Friendship and the internet, what it all really means….yeah, here I go again.
This is the post where I call out my own hypocrisy and tell you why I went back to Twitter. Plus a small dissertation on friendship.
I was reading comments on a friend’s blog recently and the subject of Twitter was being discussed. Some folks were talking about paring down their follower list to make it more manageable, since it is physically impossible to keep up with the daily ramblings of 900+ people. I started thinking, what if I restored my account, and whittled away at my list so that I was only following/being followed by the few people I felt I had a real connection with. Use Twitter more as a giant instant messaging system so that I could chat with people all at one time. (I’m lazy and emails exhaust me. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE getting them, but I have a hard time returning emails sometimes.)
Great idea, right? Yeah, well, in it’s execution, not so much. I took a list of over 400 and pared it down to around 50. Manageable. Folks I really felt I had gotten to “know”, as much as you can through 140 characters. I removed some people I had never even had a discussion with. I removed some people I had spoken with. Immediately I get requests to add some people back. I hesitate. Not because of who they are. I simply cannot allow this thing to overtake my life again. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, truly I don’t. I am at a place in my life that has left me feeling overwhelmed very easily. If I start letting one person back in, then it’s another. Then another. Then another. I cannot really explain why this stresses me so much, but it does. I cannot allow things to snowball once more.
So if you are reading this, and are one of the folks who I removed, it’s not personal. Please do not take it as such. I’m having a hard time with this whole internet friendship thing right now, and I’m pulling myself in tight. Please try to understand.
Now on to my second rant of the day…..
What does it mean when you say you are a friend? In real life, it’s easier to define. It’s tangible. Concrete. Visible. You can hug a real life friend. Take them to dinner, a movie, shopping, hang out at their house. Listen. Sympathize. Empathize. Care.
With the internet, I think the word friend has gotten too casual. It’s tossed around too carelessly. Once again this week I’ve learned that lesson the hard way again. Someone I thought was a friend proved me wrong. Maybe it’s my fault for holding someone to my own standards. When I call someone a friend, even online, I mean it. It’s not just a word. Coming this way and need a place to crash? Call me, I’ll make up the spare room. Have a book you want to read and I have a copy? Send me your address, I’ll mail it out. Unable to get to a computer but really need to purchase something? I’ll do it, pay me back later. To me, that’s a friendship. Words backed up by deeds.
Questioning someone’s honesty publicly and then ignoring it like it never happened? That’s not a friend by any stretch or casual interpretation of the word.
Once again, I am hurt. Angry. Confused. I questioned whether my decision to return to Twitter was the right one. I came very close to leaving again. So tired of the drama. But in the end, I decided that I would not let this person have that much power over me. So, one more person removed from the follow list and life goes on. I want to chat and have fun. With my friends.
13 Responses to Friendship and the internet, what it all really means….yeah, here I go again.
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Twitter people tend to get upset with me cuz if they unfollow me, I unfollow them right back. (What do you want, I’m 10) I’ve even received @’s like “Why’d you do that?” to which I generally respond “You run your interwebz your way, and I’ll run my interwebz my way.” (Cuz really, did they think I would grow up in like 10 mins.?)
So I’m glad you just unfollowed that one person and didn’t leave altogether. You make your Twitter what you want it to be.
I have a heard time with the whole internet friendship thing. I think it is mostly because I am so used to determining friendship in the “real life” sense that I have a hard time feeling like people (internet people) really consider me a friend since it doesn’t fit that traditional definition. The internet is a weird thing!
I’m sorry you were hurt again. I wish friends, internet or otherwise, wouldn’t hurt us.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..The Aches and Pains of Late Pregnancy =-.
I, for one, am glad that you are back on twitter. I missed you! But I know what you mean. The word friend, at least on my college campus, is thrown around just like it is on the internet. The real question of a friend is always “do I want to call them when I’m having a meltdown and sobbing” and its a mix of online and real life people. What remains to be seen is if I would stil call the online people if they were “real life” friends.
Idk what you are refering to about the questioning honesty, but I’m sorry you got hurt. That person does not sound like a friend. I feel like sometimes people feel that they can say things on the internet that they wouldn’t ever dare say to a real life friend. People on the other end of the computer have just as real feelings as they would if you were mean to their face. So hugs dear!
It makes me feel a bit (insert word here) to call people I know online ‘friend’, but for some reason it makes me feel that way. It’s easier to say, “Oh, I have this friend who….” than to explain all about how I write a blog and how that got me interested in other people’s blogs and how I follow all these blogs and how I completely identify with some stranger 200 miles away or 3,000 miles away, or on the other side of the world……..Anyway, I get what you’re saying.
First of all the whole idea of Twitter tends to make people frenzy. More followers, more blogs,more give aways, more drama, more cliques, more, more, more. So I commend you for taking control and saying THIS is what works for me. After all, it’s YOUR account. You know me J, I say f*ck the rest. Hee hee.
Secondly I absolutely understand what you mean by the abuse of the term friendship. So much so you may have inspired me to write my own post. *wink* It is abused. For me, I made bonds quickly on there b/c I was SO longing for other mother friends. I have none. NONE. So sometimes when discussing runny noses or dirty diapers I feel so comfortable and at home, like I am with friends. I would not call anyone that on the internet if I wouldn’t want to meet them IRL. I truly do think that I have made some connections that could be tangible if we were closer.
Lastly (I swear, boy am I long winded today) I saw that exchange, and it took everything I had not to step in. I can tell you that I have seen that person act that way before, I think it is their character, not a personal attack. None the less, rude and I would have unfollowed as well. I have a bad taste in my mouth from that. I am sorry and I am so glad you decided to stay. Because honestly when you left the first time, I was actually sad. Like IRL I was sad b/c I thought we were friends, and you didn’t tell me something was up. You are here now so, YAY!
P.S. I will understand if you never let me comment again. LOL
.-= Lu´s last blog ..Follow Friday Lonesome Dove Edition =-.
I’m glad you’re back! Glad you did what worked for you. I have no idea how people have hundreds of followers it seems too hard to keep up with.
So glad to have you back!!!
XOXO
.-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – 4 days.. =-.
I’m not much of a commenter, but… (OK, fine. I seldom comment anywhere.) Anyway, I just wanted to say welcome back. And also, I agree with your ‘internet friend’ assessment. A ‘friend’ online is not automatically the same as a friend offline. Thanks Facebook.
I’m always shocked when I get hurt again and again, and yet, I am. I’m always hurt. I’m hurt when I realize that I’ve lost a friend or someone has decided that because I have comments or other friends now, I don’t need them or don’t care.
I was thinking about that today and feeling sad myself. Hm. Food for thought.
xoxo.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..Nothing Is More Dangerous Than A Girl With Charm. Except A Girl With A Luger =-.
I was going to write a whole long dissertation but then I read Lu’s comment and realized she said everything I was going to, because she’s smart like that.
Anyway, I’m glad you didn’t leave because of a bad interaction with someone who has a rep of being a bit of an asshat sometimes (IMHO). It saves me from sending you emails and facebook messages bullying you into coming back again. lol.
I’m glad you’re back. I value your opinion. I like updates on how you and Avacakes are doing. And I just generally miss you when you’re not around.
(hugs)
.-= PrincessJenn´s last blog ..They Don’t Make It Like They Used To =-.
Can I just agree with everyone else? I am so glad you came back. I am with you on email. I mean, I try but it takes more effort than I have in me right now.
But I missed you and don’t let some asshat…and I’m curious who..run you off. Somewhere around here, I have my ass-kicking flip-flops. They are a bit dusty right now, but I’ll use them for you any day.
.-= Issa´s last blog ..Guest Post: Mommy Myths =-.
The internet is a weird place sometimes. I used to write on livejournal, and it was the same type of thing.
.-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Not that I’m in ANY WAY Ready for Them to be Teenagers =-.
I am thrilled you are back. I missed you and respected your decision BUT I am super pumped that you changed your mind. It is good to know your limits, learn from mistakes, and make changes. Thanks for that reminder!
.-= PB and Jazz´s last blog ..Today =-.