Once Again Questions and Few Answers
A fellow mother on Twitter lost her little boy yesterday. He was 2 years old. This mother and her friends asked for prayers and condolences. Many were given.
And yet, there is always a seedy underside of Twitter that always seems to surface in times of sadness. It hides, lurks under the radar and then quickly rises up to catch us all by surprise with its ugliness.
I don’t know any of the parties involved. I don’t follow the mother. I saw things being re-Tweeted. I saw expressions of sadness and condolence for the family from my own circle of friends. As a mother, it is the unthinkable, to lose your child. Yet so many mothers have had to shoulder that burden. I logged off for a time, wanting to place some distance between myself and the sadness.
Today I log on again only to find that darkness…that ugliness showing itself again. Tweets from strangers saying vile things. Questioning the validity of the story.
I’m no stranger to controversy regarding an untrue story. Even with that, it never once occurred to me that this woman was lying. She asked for nothing from us but prayers.
What she got, in addition to those prayers is unforgivable. And it leads me to ask this series of questions.
Why would you take the time out of your life to not only cause a grieving mother more pain, but to go so far as to write a whole blog post about your “doubts”? Going so far as to publish her timeline of tweets for the day? A perfect stranger to you, by your own admission, and you put that much time and energy into questioning her story, continuing to do so, even after the news did indeed prove it true. What do you get out of critiquing her parenting? Does it make you feel superior? Smug?
If you’re just looking for ways to increase you follower count and page hits, I can only say, I feel very sorry for you that you would choose to exploit someone’s pain for that end. Actually, I feel sorry for you anyway. I cannot imagine how sad and depressing it is to go through life distrusting first. Out of consideration for the family, maybe, just maybe you could have held your opinions to yourself. If you were proven right, then, congratulations for you, here’s your gold star. If not, in this case, you should feel shame that you added more grief to the mountain that is this woman’s to bear.
16 Responses to Once Again Questions and Few Answers
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YES. A-freaking-men. Couldn’t have said it better myself. You are awesome, Jenna.
.-= Amber @ pacigraveyard´s last blog ..I think we all know which writer inspired this post =-.
It would be nice if for once, the attention whores would stay out of something.
Yes, this is the internet. Yes, we’ve all been burned. But this? A tragedy like this? I just can’t believe people sometimes. That woman, that horrible ass woman on Twitter who won’t apologize, saying…well they aren’t saying the persons name? Fucked up. She is fucked up.
Someone’s baby is gone. Forever. It’s heartbreaking.
Also? I adore you for saying this. I was thinking it, but wasn’t willing to give up my break for it.
.-= Issa´s last blog ..Taking a break =-.
What’s sad is this twit is still saying it hasn’t been conclusively proven that it happened. I don’t know what’s more conclusive than the word of a friend sitting with the grieving mother. *sigh*
Karma is a bitch. She’ll get hers.
.-= PrincessJenn´s last blog ..Merry Ho Ho =-.
I got caught up in the righteously indignant retweeting of the LAST Twitter debacle and felt like an idiot for not questioning the story (not that this is an indication as to whether or not I believe said story, just that I feel like a moron because asking questions didn’t even CROSS my mind). This time, as someone completely unfamiliar with any of the people involved, unfortunately I decided to sit back, wait, and see.
I’m marginally ashamed that I didn’t offer my condolences, but at the same time, I just did not want to be burned again. I know there are a lot of people tweeting reminders of hoaxes on the internet: I’ve been there more times than I care to count via a message board I invested five years of my life to. The last Twitter incident kind of felt like the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back (or, it could just be that it’s been a long time since I’ve been confronted by a *potential* hoax).
I’ve been avoiding Twitter because it feels like a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation: those who have asked questions are being blasted (I realize that the outrage is directed at a select few that were completely assholeish about it), but those of us who blindly retweeted last time were blasted for NOT asking (if that makes sense).
At the end of the day, this whole thing is terribly, horrifically devastating, and my heart breaks for that family.
Avasmommy Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
I was involved in the last debacle as well. Big time. I took to my blog, defended the story, retweeted, conctacted the TSA. All of the above. I lost friends. Even still, it didn’t ocur to me that this time the story wasn’t true.
I don’t fault you for taking a wait and see attitude. But you took the high road and did not publicly question the veracity of this story. I guess I just wish people would stop and think before they speak. If there was even a tiny chance that the story was true, the kind of comments I’ve seen should not have been voiced publicly.
Chibi Jeebs Reply:
December 15th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
“I guess I just wish people would stop and think before they speak.”
YES – to all of it, but mostly this. Hell, I think 90% of my day-to-day issues could be solved simply by stopping for two seconds and *thinking* before progressing.
.-= Chibi Jeebs´s last blog ..LUNCH TIME! =-.
Issa Reply:
December 16th, 2009 at 9:46 am
I have to just say….it’s okay to stay back and wait and see. I kinda did too. not because I didn’t believe her, but because I didn’t know her.
But the way that woman did and said what she did is just uncool. Also, this one chick who was all agreeing with the asshat, tried to follow me on Twitter. Uh no.
.-= Issa´s last blog ..Taking a break =-.
Avasmommy Reply:
December 16th, 2009 at 9:50 am
Yeah, see I don’t have a problem with hanging back and waiting. There’s a difference between doing that and publicly demanding proof before you’d even say “Geez, I’m so sorry”.
People are just unkind. They don’t have the empathy that we have built in us. They don’t want to believe so they ridicule and spew their hatred instead. It’s pathetic.
The way I look at it, we all need a few prayers….lots of prayers for most of us. There is never harm in praying for anyone, especially those who ask for them.
Do you care enough to not care at all? That was a question that my pastor asked during Lent this year. It really stuck with me. The basic message was something along the lines of….’It doesn’t matter what color, financial background, religious belief, etc…..you don’t need to care about that stuff….You need to care about humankind enough to help and not care WHO they are’
.-= Rebecca´s last blog ..You Let Your Kids Have….What??!! =-.
Very well written Jenna! I saw the tweets last night and didn’t think twice about offering my condolences. The loss of a child is tragic enough without the vile hate that some people must spew. It’s just a shame that in such an amazing on-line community there will always be a few bad seeds.
Great post, friend! XOXO
.-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..From my family to yours… =-.
Well put. What is wrong with offering a few prayers and words of condolence to a family suffering a horrific tragedy. It sickens me that people would use someone else grief to their benefit, just sad. I hope the mom is able to just listen to those kind words being offered and ignore the hateful ones.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Santa Pictures =-.
It sucks that bad seeds out there have put doubt in people’s minds. I can understand why people would want to make sure with all that has happened with the you know what blog and that whole April Rose scam. And if you are not a regular reader of that person’s blog you might not know who they are and if it’s true. All that said I do think it is so very wrong to be attacking someone when all they asked for is prayers. It is just wrong and sad. If you have doubts then just don’t participate.
.-= Midwest Mommy´s last blog ..I swear all contents went in the garbage after. =-.
I’ve been away from Twitter a lot lately & only heard the initial story and responses late this afternoon. I can see wanting to validate facts before sending money to someone requesting it … but this situation? It blows my mind what that poor mom had to go thru. Where is basic compassion for a person going thru heartbreaking pain? It is beyond my understanding.
.-= Twenty Four At Heart´s last blog ..The Eleven Foot Tree =-.
Good post. I had exactly the same thoughts and feelings. To go out of your way to be horrible to someone who has just lost anybody is awful but when it’s a child it’s incomprehensible. Each person deals with grief in a different way and shouldn’t have to defend themselves against random nobodies on Twitter in my humble opinion!!!
.-= Emma´s last blog ..Christmas Carols =-.
Of course, since I am no longer on Twitter I do not know of the situation, but I am so sorry to see something like this going on, And glad for you for taking the high road and calling the person out for being just plain RUDE!
.-= Laura´s last blog ..Not Much Going on Here =-.