Balls – Some people have them
To Melissa, who wanted to know if I would add her blog site to my blog roll solely so she can start doing giveaways?
Let me think. Um, NO.
If you have a legitimate comment to leave here, please do so. Otherwise, take your shameless self promotion and shove it up your ass.
Internet, you’re on notice today.
This Is My Blog
I write about whatever happens to be rattling around in my brain on any given day. I write about subjects passionate to me. I write about something silly my daughter did or said. I write about my past. I write about my present. I write about my future.
Some things I never write about, and probably never will. They are too personal. Too deep.
I don’t run ads. I don’t ask for sponsorships. I don’t write reviews. I don’t run contests. {Before you start commenting and explaining why you do those things: Don’t. I don’t care why. I’m not putting you down. I’m not saying ads and contests and reviews are evil. I’m just saying that’s not for me}
I blog. I write. Yes, I think all bloggers deserve to be called writers. Whether we have a huge readership or a readership of one. Whether or not we have a “Brand”.
I write. I write on my blog. It is a sum of who I am. And yet it is only pieces of who I am.
Sometimes I am silly.
Sometimes I am sad.
Sometimes I am angry.
Sometimes I am jealous.
Sometimes I am wistful.
When you read something I write, it’s what was in my head that moment. That second. It does not mean I carry around those thoughts constantly. Most of them I put to rest here. Some run deeper. Some follow me around. But writing helps sort through the conflicts. The confusion. The anger and the pain. I come out on the other side a better, freer person for having bared my soul. For having placed those words somewhere outside of my head.
This is my blog. This is me.
Why My Future Grandchild has a Yellow Lump on Her Head
For a long time, Ava paid absolutely NO attention to television at all. Unless it was a commercial. Then she’d stop whatever she was doing and race to the television.
And then we had Elmo. I think she got her first real dose of him from watching the tail end of Sesame Street at her Gramma’s house. For months, she and Elmo carried on an intense love affair, during which she would try to hug the television in an effort to hug him. So we bought her an Elmo Pillow with Arms. So he could “hug her back”. She carried that pillow with her everywhere…for about 3 days. Then we purchased Elmo Live! Elmo sings, talks, tells stories, gets kicked in the head by mom and NEVER SHUTS UP. Even when he’s knocked over, he still talks. Again, the novelty wore off after a few weeks and now Elmo sits quietly in the corner of our family room, waiting for someone to turn him on again to be loved.
Because somewhere along the way, Ava discovered Caillou. If you are not familiar with Caillou, let me explain. Caillou is a bald, 4 year old boy with a sister named Rosie. He loves to whine, complain and be the boss of everything. For some reason, my daughter is completely and utterly enthralled. She dances to the theme song. She imitates any and all hand gestures and movements she sees. She laughs. She gets mad for him when he doesn’t get his way. She takes the tv remote and points it at the tv while looking at me and saying “Caillou”. We watch it every night before bed.
The other morning, I heard her stirring through the monitor. Usually we’re greeted first with some thumb sucking, then some deep breaths. Then usually a “Hi!” or “Dada!!” (which is D’s cue to get her morning cup of milk ready) But on this morning what we heard was a leetle different. “Hi! Caillou!!”…. “Caillou!!”
Very first thing in the morning and she’s already thinking of Caillou. Ok, so maybe this isn’t the match I would have made for her, but she’s clearly in love. And who am I to get in the way of love? So I did what any sensible parent would do. I went to a photograph morphing site so I could see what my future grandchild is going to look like:
She is clearly going to need some plastic surgery to fix that whole forehead thing. And a little help in the eyebrow dept. But I’m sure we’ll love her all the same.
Mornings
I got to thinking about how my life has changed over the years and how just the simple things like waking up in the morning are no longer like they were as a kid. I have fond memories of summer breezes and sunshine waking me up. But nothing beats where I am now.
Wind rustling through the screen of the open window. Mockingbirds squawking. The crunch of tires on the gravel road.
Clattering of dishes, water running. The smell of bacon frying. Voices. Dad reading the paper out loud.
Traffic. Dozens of cars passing. Loud traffic rushing by. Feet stomping loudly below. Doors slamming. Voices. Spanish words flying through the air.
Last vestiges of tree frogs chirping as the sun comes up. Children above with feet of lead racing around. Shower running.
Quiet. Cats scratching at the door. Meowing. More scratching. More quiet.
Stillness. Sounds of sheets rustling. The soft sound of a thumb being sucked. Eventually, a laugh. A sigh. A smile.
Girl Talk Thursday – Punishment
Today’s Girl Talk Thursday topic is one that is actually very difficult for me to discuss. Punishment.
I’ve written about it before. My parents handed out the usual punishment, grounding, taking away the TV, the stereo, etc. But my mother went a bit further. Not just spanking. Hitting. And not just with her hands. But with whatever happened to be lying around close by. A wooden spoon. A fly swatter. Usually these objects made contact with my face. She was very quick and physical with doling out punishment for whatever act I may have committed.
Needless to say, now those acts would be called child abuse. Back then? Nobody gave it a second thought. However, it left a lot of scars. Not physcal ones, mind you. The emotional kind.
I was terrified of becoming a parent. All I knew was the kind of life I had as a child. I didn’t want to treat my daughter the same way. But I feared I would, because after all, we are our parent’s children.
Ava is not quite yet two, so we are still a number of years away from the big punishments. However, I have caught myself in moments of sheer and utter frustration, and had to step away from her. Physically leave the room. So I wouldn’t do to her what my mother did to me. The twenty minute tantrums that escalate. The meltdowns that won’t allow me to even get dinner cooked. Times when I cannot take one more second of her throwing food to the floor. Being bitten on the arm. Slapped in the face.
All those things are moments where I have had flashbacks of my mother’s punishments. Moments where for one, split second, I could see myself acting exactly the way she did. Instead I walked away. I turned my back on my red-faced, howling child and walked away. I’m not sure if that in and of itself will leave scars. I fear it will. But I fear the alternative much worse.
Twenty Questions
So on Friday I asked you guys to submit your questions: What about me do you want to know? I got questions from three of you.
My dear friend Issa asked these:
1. If you won the lottery and could live anywhere in the world, where would you live and why?
This may seem like a cop out answer, but I would have to have at least 2 homes. One would need to be somewhere in England. I yearn for that country, and have never been. Is a lifelong dream to visit. Living there would be beyond awesome. My other home would have to be somewhere tropical. Where English is spoken. Because, um, hello, I have enough trouble with English. I don’t need the added burden of wondering if I just called someone a doddering jackass when all I really wanted was directions to the bathroom.
2. Absolute best gift you have ever gotten in your life?
Now, this is the point where I could totally wimp out and say “my daughter”. And lord knows she is a blessing and the best gift ever. BUT. A store bought, wrapped in ribbons and paper gift? A blue topaz ring that my dad gave me the Christmas before he died. I’d been pressing my nose against the jewelry counter at Walmart, admiring that ring for months. Up until then most of my jewelry was of the cheap, costume variety. That’s all we could afford. Somehow my parents scraped together enough money to buy me that ring. I still have it. Tucked away in my jewelry chest. Every once in a while, I take it out and wear it. Or just look at it. And I smile. One day it will be Ava’s. And I will share with her how wonderful her grandfather was.
3. Why in the world didn’t you tell me to not try and bake a German chocolate cake and go buy one???? >
Um, I was looking for something to make me laugh yesterday? 
4. Favorite food to make and also favorite food to order elsewhere?
I love to cook and bake. Baking is by far my favorite thing to do. I love making cakes, cupcakes, cookies, pies. I made two different kinds of cupcakes this weekend, simply because I wanted to try them both. Also? I don’t recommend doing that. It is very tiring.
My favorite food to order elsewhere? Pasta Carbonara. My favorite pasta dish EVER. If I were stranded on a desert island, yeah, this would be my dish. I have never made it at home, mostly due to the whole has eggs in it thing. I can put eggs in stuff and bake it. But something about the process of making that dish is just more than I can stomach. I can eat the hell out of it…as long as I don’t have to cook it.
From the lovely Cara:
5. left shoe or right shoe 1st?
Left. I have no idea why. I’m right handed. And frankly, I had never thought about it until asked. Now? I notice it all the damn time.
6. Any siblings?
Nope. My mom had a miscarriage about a year before I was conceived. When I was 3, my dad was diagnosed with the disease that eventually killed him, so at that point, bringing more mouths to feed into the world was not a good idea. One of my biggest regrets to this day is not having any siblings.
7. How old where you when you got your 1st kiss?
Hmm, I was 14? 15? I can’t really remember. It wasn’t a pleasant experience. The kiss was ok, but what happened afterward was not. I kinda blocked a lot of it out over the years.
8. how did you and D meet?
Believe it or not…online. Back in the summer of 1999 I bought my first computer. I was a big fan of the Food Network and at the time, Emeril Lagasse. I joined an email list (OMG, those are so archaic now). D was a member. We had lots of email discussions, ICQ (Go ask.com that if you’re under 30) {See, Ben, I did it!} phone chats. Met face to face in fall of 1999. The rest is history.
9. Will there be any more BabyCakes?
I hope so. I hated growing up an only child. And with me being one, and D only having one brother (who has no children, nor is likely to) I worry about what will happen when we are gone. I want her to have family around her. Plus? I really want another baby. I have so enjoyed this journey with Ava. I want to travel that road one more time before I retire.
10. Is that your natural hair color?
Yup. Including the gray ones that I pluck with tweezers whenever those little suckers appear. I did color my hair once or twice. Was too much upkeep for me.
11. Top or bottom?
Bottom. I’m afraid of heights. I stay away from the top floor of anything.
12. Would you ever get a boob job?
If money were no object? Yes I would. Not to make them bigger, but to reconstruct. Lift them up to where they are *supposed* to be.
13. Dunk your oreos or twist eat the frosting?
Dunk, baby. All the way. Until soft. Yuuuuummmm
14. Have you ever had braces?
Nope. My parents didn’t have dental insurance. I saw the dentist exactly once as a kid. So now you know why I have an overbite. 
15. What kind of car do you drive?
I have a 2007 Mercury Milan Premier that I ADORE. It’s metallic red and has black leather interior. On sunny days, I love opening up the sun roof, cranking up the stereo and driving. Its the first brand new car I purchased in over 10 years. I will drive it until the wheels fall off probably. Or I win the lottery and buy an Aston Martin.
Rebecca asks this:
16. You live in Oregon, right? I want to know about the field of mushrooms that is as large as a couple of football fields. I hear it’s the largest living organism in the whole wide world.
I am afraid I had to Google this one. Oh, dammit, I mean, Ask.com it. I’d never heard of it. Apparently in Eastern Oregon, there is a giant underground mushroom field, that stretches for about 3.5 miles. Researchers discovered it when they were investigating why a bunch of trees were dying off. It’s been growing for over 2000 years. Anybody got any garlic and butter?
Now, as I only got 16 questions, I feel obliged to fill in the gaps here myself with a few questions – just to get to that even twenty. Because I’m anal like that.
17. Why do birds poop on your car JUST after it’s washed?
Simple: Your clean SHINY car is much easier to see from way up there than a nice dull, dirty car. Plus? Birds are just assholes like that.
18. Why does traffic always seem to be moving at a snail’s pace when you are late or in a hurry?
Now I know you’re thinking these people are really just trying to piss you off and make you even later, but that’s not the case. These concerned citizens are really watching out for your safety. By slowing you down, they have reduced the likelihood that you will be in a speed -caused accident. However, there is a direct correlation between the actions of these drivers and the frequency of drive by shootings on freeways, so I think there might need to be further study on this issue.
19. Who decided what foods are appropriate for breakfast and what foods aren’t?
Ah, now we have come to the real mystery in life. Who is “they”? They say you should eat cereal, eggs, toast, waffles. I don’t know anyone named “they”. I don’t think I want to. Because “they” are way too bossy and strict. I don’t care for any of those so called “breakfast foods”. You’d probably be appalled at some of the things I’ve been known to eat at breakfast. But since I don’t take orders from “they”, I will continue to eat my peanut butter crackers, cupcakes, banana bread and any other thing that sounds good to me at 8 am in the freakin morning. So there. **hmmph**
20. Your blog title says this blog will be all about Avacakes. But you don’t always write about Avacakes. Aren’t you a fraud?
Well, fraud is a pretty harsh term. I prefer flim-flammer, personally. I’ll admit I don’t write about Ava as much as I thought I would when I started this blog. It’s not that I don’t adore her and want to gush about her every second. But I have discovered that writing is something I enjoy. I am able to process a lot of emotions and issues by writing them down. I write mainly for myself and I hope that someone reads my words and finds something in them they can relate to, or even something that helps. I do need to add more entertaining videos up in here, yo.
Fitting In
I keep reading about fitting in. Or not, as the case may be. Issa wrote a great post about it. About expectations, obligations, frustrations.
I started a Twitter account a little over a year ago. If memory serves me right, it was because I wanted to follow Tweets from a local restaurant (I might be a tiny bit obsessed with food). I never in a million years thought it would have the impact on me that it did. I met people who would become my very best friends. The fact that they live in another state and we’ve never met face to face (YET) is irrelevant. Like Issa said, if a body needed to be hid, she and Liz are who I’d call.
At one point, I had close to 800 followers. Sure, at least half of them wanted to sell me something or have me watch their latest porno, but still…I was becoming a big deal on Twitter. (Insert snorting guffaws here). And then something happened to me. It’s something I can’t really explain, at least not here. But I stepped back. I left. In short? I got my priorities in order. A couple of months later I came back. I sat down with my list of followers/followees and pared it down. I got down to the nitty gritty, so to speak. I realized that I just didn’t have a connection with some people. Those are the ones that didn’t make the cut. Instead of trying to force myself into their mold, or them to mine, I simply removed myself from their circle. The ones left? Are my tribe. The people I have fun with. I laugh with. I cry with.
I don’t regret not trying to attract the attention of say…Dooce. Or Tanis. Or TheBloggess. They are a big deal on the internet. They have thousands of followers. They have close friends online. Trying to attract their attention is kinda like shouting into a hurricane. Yeah, they’re cool. But ask yourself, are you trying to attract their attention simply so you can say “OMG, Redneck Mommy Tweeted at ME!”, or is it because you genuinely like them as a person? If all you are doing is trying to run with the big dogs, you are missing out on so much. There are some wonderful, amazing people out there. They may not have 10,000 followers on Twitter, or 500 comments on every blog post. But they are warm, genuine, caring people. Some will share your interests. Some won’t. You simply have to find your tribe. The people who share your interests, your values, your experiences. If you do that, your experience online will be better, not only for you, but for those you connect with as well.
Stop trying to fit in. When you find the people you can genuinely call friends, it won’t be because you plugged your square peg into their round hole. It will be because you were yourself. Be true to yourself, be who you are. The rest will follow.
Let's Play 20 Questions
Because it’s Friday, and I have a colossal headache, not to mention writer’s block – also known as mental constipation….
Let’s Play 20 Questions.
Submit a question to me. I’ll do my best to answer it.
Maybe there is something about me you want to know.
Maybe there is a burning, age old question in your mind, but didn’t know who to ask..
I may not give you a text book answer, but I’ll do my best to fill in the gaps of your education.
So…what’s on your mind?
Girl Talk Thursday – Dinner For Under 10 Dollars
Growing up in a family that survived on Social Security disability payments, we didn’t have a lot of money to spend on fancy groceries, or dinners out. We never went hungry, but we certainly didn’t eat anything fancy. I loved the food my mom cooked. It was good, warm, comforting. It wasn’t until I grew up that I realized we ate what we did out of necessity. Still, when I’m having a bad day and am stressed out, one of my childhood meals is what I crave.
As you can see from the ingredients, nothing here is going to break the bank. I really don’t have a breakdown of cost, but the most expensive thing is probably the ground beef, which if you’re like me, you always have stores of in the freezer. Add a bagged salad and a side of garlic bread, and for less than the price of a McDonald’s outing, you have a great warm, comforting dinner.
1 lb ground beef
1 28oz can crushed tomatoes
1 medium onion, chopped
1 green bell pepper, chopped
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tbsp ketchup
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 ½ cup uncooked macaroni
2-3 cups shredded cheddar cheese
Brown ground beef, drain. Put back in pan, add the tomato, onion, bell pepper, Worcestershire, and ketchup, salt and pepper to taste. Bring to boil, then turn down heat to medium and let simmer for about 30 minutes.
Meanwhile, cook macaroni until done, pour into casserole dish, and mix with the cream of mushroom soup. Add in meat and sauce mixture, stir to combine and then top with the shredded cheese. Put into 350 degree oven for 30 min, or until mixture is bubbly and cheese is melted.
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