One Year Later
I moved my last post back to the draft folder. I was hesitant to publish it at all, even privately, and bare myself so completely as to the struggle of emotions.
Those of you who read and as usual, supported me, thank you. Your words mean so much and I feel each one of them as a warm embrace.
The sheer act of writing has brought about some form of catharsis. The emotions have shifted to something different, less intense and not quite as crushing.
Life and the act of living it never ceases to ebb and flow. The waters… Continue reading
4th Annual Bloggy Holiday Card Exchange
Wishing you all a wondrous holiday season.
May 2012 be a happy healthy year.
So grateful for having all of you in my life.
Head here to see all the other wonderful holiday cards. Thanks to Meghan for doing this again this year. So fun!
When Words Are Too Much Work
Some days it’s a struggle to even reply to an email, much less start one. Some days I look at the text message on my phone and wonder how long I can ignore it.
It’s not that I don’t want to talk. It’s that using my words is too hard some days. If you’ve never experienced it, you’re unlikely to understand it.
It’s not a cataclysmic event propelling me into a place of quiet. It can be old memories flooding back, creeping into corners I thought had been cleared out.
Small things, little things. Mundane life, death, grief, panic,… Continue reading
Not a step back, but maybe to the side
It’s no secret around here that I struggle with self esteem issues. I have for 38 years. I’ve made some remarkable strides in dealing with those. Life’s circumstances have me facing the world on my own, and a new-found self confidence has been emerging.
However, it’s fragile. Tentative. Which almost seems like an oxymoron, but that’s what happens when you feel inadequate and just LESS than for your entire life. Changes don’t happen overnight and for someone who struggled for so long, it’s not hard to experience something that will knock me back a step.
I’ve been learning how to… Continue reading
Remembering to Smile
I have come to realize that I tend to dwell on the negative an awful lot. I’m not a half glass empty person. I’ve always been more of a glass is surely going to break and cut my hand at any moment person.
Yeah.
I’m trying to change that about myself, thanks to some wonderful friends and some good tools from therapy sessions. I don’t always succeed, and lately it has been harder than ever to focus on the positive. With so many changes looming and so much of it being filled with uncertainty, some days I feel simply overwhelmed… Continue reading
I Have A Friend
I have a friend.
I have a friend who thinks she’s not beautiful, but she is. Inside and out, she has beauty unlike any I have ever seen. Eyes that are deep and soulful. A million watt smile.
I have a friend who thinks she’s depressing, but she’s not. She is on a bumpy stretch of highway that is but a temporary detour to a smooth road ahead. It is ok to talk about the bumps. It’s ok to cry. It is ok to just be. Those who love you understand.
I have a friend who is a good friend. … Continue reading
Fitting In
I keep reading about fitting in. Or not, as the case may be. Issa wrote a great post about it. About expectations, obligations, frustrations.
I started a Twitter account a little over a year ago. If memory serves me right, it was because I wanted to follow Tweets from a local restaurant (I might be a tiny bit obsessed with food). I never in a million years thought it would have the impact on me that it did. I met people who would become my very best friends. The fact that they live in another state and we’ve never met… Continue reading
All in the Details – For Layla Grace
My circle of friends on twitter is in pain today. For months we’ve all been watching, waiting and praying that a little girl with cancer would beat the odds. For about the last month, we knew she was going to lose her battle. Today, a sweet little girl, not much older than my Ava has flown away to be with angels.
I chose not to follow updates from her parents. Too fresh on the heels of Maddie’s passing and dealing with Ava’s own issues, I felt it was too much for me to handle. I come off as a real… Continue reading
Not Building Back The Wall
To be honest, I really don’t know how to start with this one. I do know that I am upset. I am hurt. Once again drama has reared its head. I swear to God, I don’t go consciously looking for it.
You would think after being burned so badly in the past, I’d be slower to take down my defenses. In a lot of cases, I am. However, every so often someone comes along and they just have a way of making you feel comfortable. So you share. You share intimate details of your life. You exchange histories. You talk… Continue reading
What I am Thankful For
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. It’s a day when families come together and celebrate all that they have been given. It’s a day without the pressure of gifts, or elaborate decorations. It’s a day to just revel in all that life has given us.
Until Avacakes was born, I don’t think I ever understood truly, the meaning of the word grateful. Like so many other emotions, it was there, buried underneath the surface. Her arrival into my life made me realize the true meaning of joy, happiness, appreciation and even fear.
But today, let me give thanks for all that I have… Continue reading
I write here
I’ve Been Featured On:
I Guess I Don’t Suck
