One Year Later
I moved my last post back to the draft folder. I was hesitant to publish it at all, even privately, and bare myself so completely as to the struggle of emotions.
Those of you who read and as usual, supported me, thank you. Your words mean so much and I feel each one of them as a warm embrace.
The sheer act of writing has brought about some form of catharsis. The emotions have shifted to something different, less intense and not quite as crushing.
Life and the act of living it never ceases to ebb and flow. The waters… Continue reading
Beauty in Small Things
“Mommy wait, stop, I need to give you a leaf!”
I stop my car, putting it back in park and wait for her to select one from the leaf cluttered lawn. She carefully looks them over and then chooses the one she likes the best. With grandmother or daddy in tow, she runs over to my open window and hands it to me. I place it on the seat beside me and thank her for her gift.
I have a shoebox full of leaves. Carefully selected by Ava to give to me each morning and afternoon as I leave her… Continue reading
My Tale of Insanity
You might not realize this about me, but I’m a curmudgeon about Halloween. Fall in general really. I hate that summer is over and I despise the dark coming so early in the day. I cringe at the thought of the upcoming SIX MONTHS OF RAIN RAIN NOTHING BUT RAIN. All my favorite food bloggers are obsessed with pumpkin bread, pumpkin pies, pumpkin soup, pumpkin donuts, pumpkin, pumpkin everywhere. Oh yeah, and I think pumpkin must have come from Satan’s anus, because that shit is nasty.
As for Halloween itself, meh. After working 8 hours and dealing with people all… Continue reading
A Week in Ava-Ville
My day care provider, aka my ex-mother-in-law, was out of town this week, and as such, I took the opportunity to take four days off work and spend some quality time with my little munchkin.
I mean, I see her pretty much every day, except for the weekends she’s with her dad, but still, there was something glorious about being alone with her for 6 days, with no place we had to be, no things we HAD to do.
We slept late. We played silly games. We had tickle fights and cuddles on the sofa.
We baked cupcakes and made… Continue reading
Soaring
I’m not a good flier. I do not think it’s anywhere near natural for human beings to be 38,000 feet in the air, hurtling through the clouds at 500 miles an hour. You can spout all the statistics at me you like about flying being the safest way to travel. They bring me no comfort. At least in my car, if my engine stops working I am ON the ground, not about to pierce it like a fucking dart.
That said, I have flown many times in the past. However, the longer I go between flights, the more anxiety I… Continue reading
Marilou
When I saw it sitting on the shelf, my hand reached out for it automatically, almost as if that appendage had a mind of its own.
It reminded me of her, that bar of Ivory soap. The scent that would linger on pillows and bedsheets and my shoulder after a hug. The scent that enveloped her skin, bare, as she leaned over a basin while I rinsed her hair, her gnarled hands reaching up every so often to check my progress. “Nope, I still feel some, right here”.
She lived with us, practically, for so much of my childhood. I… Continue reading
So that I don’t forget…
Octopus is applepus.
Binoculars is knockers.
White fluffy dandelions are blowey blows.
Mud is muuuuuud (said in a Southern drawl worthy of your heritage).
Dancing is called singing.
Singing is done in a very soft voice, very monotone.
Your favorite blanket, Red B, is a she. You cuddle and hug her while murmuring “I love you so much, Red B”.
The toy stethoscope you got for Christmas is called your “Doctor peoples”.
You like to take my temperature with your toy “mometer”.
Nothing elicits more squeals than the slide.
You like to take paper and safety scissors and play “sciss”.… Continue reading
Three
Today, my darling girl, you turned three.
There was food, and presents, and candles that you blew out not once, not twice, not three times, but at least four times. We sang happy birthday as you beamed with excitement. Your best friend Ella was here to celebrate with you. You bounced together, squirted each other with water pistols, played with all your toys, new and old.
We celebrated you today. Not just because you’re three. But because you are so special.
Today you are such a remarkably different girl than two. Three can unwrap her own presents. Three can climb… Continue reading
How I Got My Groove Back – The Holiday Version
Last Christmas, Ava was only 18 months old. She wasn’t really into the whole lights, presents, gorge-yourself-until-you-spew aspect of the holiday. I was only mildly disappointed in her reaction to the 80 billion Christmas lights we strung up in the house. I knew her time was coming.
Fast forward a year. Ava is now 2 1/2. Every Christmas decoration we pass makes her giggle with delight. In Target, we spend a good hunk of our time just sitting in the tree section while she gazes wondrously at all the lights and exclaiming CHRISTMAS TREE over and over for the whole… Continue reading
I write here
I’ve Been Featured On:
I Guess I Don’t Suck
